Anti-Trump absolute thinking

With the inauguration of Trump, one might think that things have started to change.  The election is long past and the political tension of it is gone - it's time to get back to life as we know it, right?

For most of us, this is the case.  Whether we wanted the Democrats or Republicans to win, it's a done deal now.  We did our part for democracy, we got to vote for the candidate we wanted, and it was a glorious example of freedom.

Unfortunately, there are a few who can't let it go.  And this article is about those people.  You may know some of them yourself; the type of person who thinks so absolutely that either you agree with them on everything, or else they consider you an enemy.

Since the election, the internet has been full of examples of this type of thinking.  Here's a recent internet meme that demonstrates such thinking:

The problem with this kind of logic is that it's way too absolute.  Sally is saying she rejects Bob now for voting Trump.

However, perhaps Bob did not support Hillary because:

• Hillary has a demonstrated history of using political office as a for-profit play-for-pay schema.
• Hillary claims to be for female rights, yet accepts donations from countries that actively repress and kill women.
• Her own husband Bill has a shady history, was impeached, lost his legal license, and had to pay a huge settlement over the Paula Jones affair.
• Clinton indicated that she was willing to risk nuclear war with Russia by imposing a "no fly" zone over Syria.  This was said during the second presidental debate, and although Bob does not like Trump at all, he felt that risking a nuclear war that would end the world would be worse than voting for Trump.

And there are many other reasons why Bob might have chosen not to vote for the Democrats:

• Perhaps he was a Bernie Sanders supporters who was disillusioned by the DNC did and could not, in good conscienous, support the rigged primary result.  
• Perhaps he simply felt he could not trust what Clinton would do (which is a very legitimate concern, given her demonstrated history of lying to the public).
• Perhaps he felt that the Republicans offered a good plan for the economy, and so he had to vote for Trump (who he hates) in order to get the Republican policies he wanted.

The point is: there are many reasons why someone may have voted Republican in the election.  It is not a simple question.  The choice of who to vote for in the election was a very, very complex and difficult one.

The fundamental problem with Sally's line of thinking is that it takes a complex issue ("why would someone vote for Trump") with many facets and incorrectly reduces the issue to a single topic, while ignoring all the other factors.

In this case: if someone voted Trump, they are a mysogenist.  No.  This is an absurb and ridiculous oversimplification.

That is the first problem with Sally's way of thinking.

The problem then gets worse when she then takes this reduced way of thinking and makes it absolute: either you agree with her, or you are her enemy.

Now, the question is: How do you deal with someone who thinks like this?  You might know a "Sally" in your life, and you're wondering how best to deal with them?

In general, you can accept "Sally" as she is, but just be prepared that you may be dumped unexpectedly.  I've known a few absolute thinkers, and the story is always the same: they end up dumping friend after friend after friend, and they end up alone and bitter, thinking that "the world just doesn't understand" them.

Now, it can happen that sometimes someone in this pattern of thinking will realise it and change.  In that regard, I would never give up on someone; but know that they may end the relationship.  It can happen because there's no way to avoid talking about something or doing something that they will end up finding offensive and a dumpable offense.  In Bob's case, it was voting for Trump.  In your case, it might be because they find out that you eat meat, or you like Starbucks, or that you bought a shirt from a department store instead of the local market.

It is very difficult to appease absolute thinkers.  If you "agree" with them on an issue, all you've really done is postpone the inevitable.  Sooner or later, another issue with come up, and you'll be forced to "agree" again in order to maintain the friendship with this person. 

So, simply put, Bob's best move is to not argue and just move on.  Anyone so shallow that they would end their relationship with Bob over who he voted for in an election isn't someone who Bob could ever have any sort of deep, meaningful relationship with.

On that note, the meme isn't finished.  Let's complete it for the original author.

Bob realises that Sally is an absolute thinker and accepts her decision.

Three months later
 

Bob is happy with his life.  He has good friends who are open-minded and enjoy discussing politics, even if they don't agree with him on everything.  Bob has met a new girlfriend who he respects and treats well.  Not being a mysogenist, he just voted for Jane Smith last week's city election and is happy to see that Jane will be the new mayor.

Sally is not happy.  Since her breakup with Bob, she met four other new friends, but has dumped them all since they also just don't get it.  Jill was nice, but she wanted to get a Big Mac at McDonalds, and Sally can't tolerate Jill's support for big evil corporations.  Max seemed okay, but he supported Roger Jones in the city election, so he was clearly a mysogenist.  Her new friend Lisa was also a big anti-Trump fan, but it turns out that Lisa wore a skirt to their last coffee meeting, so Lisa clearly isn't fully devoted to the female cause.  And Mike was nice, but he likes wearing his hair in a man-bun, which just isn't socially acceptable.

Bob ends up having a happy life, filled with different kinds of people, each of whom enrichs his experience in different ways.  Sally ends up alone and extremely bitter, having lived a life of quiet desperation and angst that no one else gets it but her.

If you're a "Bob": hopefully you can have some compassion for the "Sally"s of the world out there - they live difficult and lonely lives.  At the same time, if you are friends with them, be aware that they may drop you at any time and it isn't your fault.

If you're a "Sally", you're probably highly offended by this article by now, but it's the truth.  Would you be willing to be a bit more open minded?  It simply takes a willingness to be open and listen to other people's opinions, even if you don't agree with them.  

At the very least, I hope that you can see how when you think so absolutely and narrow-mindedly, it really doesn't do anyone any good, especially not you.  There is no glory in being a martyr for a cause, when your martyrdom actually does not result in any change because all you're really doing is rejecting anyone who doesn't agree with your opinion.

LKvi